When You’re Carrying It All Alone: How to Lead Without Losing Yourself

I was 26 years old when I experienced my first panic attack. For years, I went at top speed with no slowing down. I was a founder and leader of a quickly growing urban youth nonprofit ministry, and the lines between work and life were completely blurred. Work was life, and life was work.

In a role where I was responsible for leading and serving 100+ youth and 70+ volunteers—while also maintaining positive relationships with 50+ donors and partners—there were few spaces or people where I could authentically share my challenges and be supported. I felt very alone.

I tried to “hold it all together” and didn’t realize it wasn’t sustainable until my body told me otherwise through repeated panic attacks.

So often, leaders are placed in leadership roles because they’re good at getting things done. They take on more than is required and go above and beyond to make it happen with excellence.That works—until it doesn’t.

Now, after coaching leaders across nonprofits, businesses, and fast-growing organizations, I see it everywhere:

Leaders carrying invisible weight, living in silent burnout.

I hear versions of it from my clients regularly:

• “I can’t ask for help.”

• “I’m the only one…”

• “There’s too much to do—I can’t take a break.”

• “If I slow down, everything will fall apart.”

• “I must have all the answers.”

• “I can’t be authentic.”

These thoughts feel true. I’ve lived them. But I’ve learned this truth the hard way: Leadership doesn’t require you to hold it all together.

You are not weak for needing help—you’re wise. You’re human.

We all need support. We all need rest. And we all need the space to not have all the answers.

If you’ve ever felt this way—like you’re carrying more than anyone knows and you’re not sure how much longer you can keep going—you’re not alone. And you don’t have to lead alone.

Leadership doesn’t require perfection; it requires honesty. And sustainable leadership begins when we stop pretending we don’t need help.

I’m cheering you on—not just to be a leader who produces, but a leader who thrives. If you want a sounding board or some practical support, I’m here. You don’t have to do it alone.

In your corner,

Gretchen Brewer